I was reckoning up the other day the number of sporting events I've attended since coming to live in France 20 years ago. It came to four.
1. A football match between Olargues (our village) and St Pons. At one point the St Pons goalkeeper easily fielded an unthreatening punt upfield, cradled the ball in his arms, and unwittingly stepped back across his goal-line. Olargues won 1 - 0.
2. A football match between the local secondary school and a scratch team including girls from an Ullapool High School group on exchange. The Scottish kids had no one to cheer for them, so I got a very sore throat. To no avail.
3. World Cup Rugby, 2007. My friend A. and I went to Montpellier to watch Samoa play Tonga. I never got the hang of which was which. It was an excruciatingly dull match. At half-time A. and I assembled all we knew about both places, viz.:
SAMOA - Robert Louis Stevenson lived for a while in Samoa and died there, in a place called Vailima.
TONGA – At Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation in 1953, Queen Salote of Tonga, a cheerful lady of fabulous girth, was assigned a place in the carriage procession next to a very small personage, probably the Akhond of Swat. Noël Coward was watching the procession. When asked who the little fellow crammed in beside Queen Salote was, he replied 'Oh, nobody special: that's her lunch.'
4. See photo above. I leave you to decide what the event was. CLUE: You know something's going to happen when you hear the helicopters.