Friday, 21 January 2011

Lydian Airs Travel Notes No. 26

Breakfast in the Shangri-La: A Useful Guide to calling Room Service

Room service (RS): Morny. Ruin sore bees.
Guest (G): Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I dialled Room Service.

RS: Rye...Ruin sore bees, morny! Jewish to odor sun teen?
G: Uh...yes, please: I'd like some bacon and eggs.

RS: Ow July den?
G: What?

RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch?
G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry. Scrambled, please.

RS: Ow July dee bay come? Crease?
G: Crisp will be fine.

RS: Hokay. An San Toes?
G: What?

RS: San Toes. July San Toes?
G: I don't think so.

RS: No? Judo one Toes?
G: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'Judo one Toes' means.

RS: Toes! Toes! Why Jew Don Juan Toes? Ow bow tinglish mopping we bother?
G: 'English muffin'! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'! Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RS: We bother?
G: No - just put the bother on the side.

RS: Wad?
G: I mean butter - just put it on the side.

RS: Copy?
G: Sorry?

RS: Copy? Tea? Mill?
G: Yes, coffee, please, and that's all.

RS: Wan Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease bay come, toesan inglish mopping we bother honey sigh and copy? Rye?
G: Whatever you say.

RS: Tendjewberrymud.
G: You're welcome.

(I believe this or something very like it appeared in the Far East Economic Review several years ago. My son Nibus sent it to me in 1999. It resurfaced while going through some old papers. WARNING: There may be more.)

But what's 'torino fee'?


Dave said...

Waa a fascinatin' story. We doon' hev any such problems in Norfook, of cooorse.

Christopher said...

Wadi say?

Z said...


Christopher said...

Washy say?

Charlene said...

I'd like to know what the fellow received? SMILE

english inukshuk said...

whatever it is, it's obviously not very good for one's deriere

Christopher said...

Charlene: Hi. Grits, I expect, as in SMILES AND GRITS TEETH

IE: ...and people tell me I'm obscure sometimes... :/

letouttoplay said...

Re warning : Yes please.

english inukshuk said...

ass ruin torino fee

Christopher said...

Mig: I'll see what can be done.

IE I'm surprised at you. I thought you were the very model of purity in word, thought, deed and blog comment. I may have to consult Mr Scurra about this gluteal lapse.

Spadoman said...

Fantastic read. Made me exercise my brain this morning.


Rosie said...

Room twenty three of course. This is all very close to an Alloa accent.

Christopher said...

Thank you, Spadoman. I knew there was some practical value in it somewhere.

Rosie: Ah! So was that where that BBC comedy series about the French resistance came from?