Sunday, 27 February 2011

Get me to the font on time

Rustle, rustle, whisper, whisper, tee-hee, giggle, giggle. Note-passing in the back row? A silent but deadly? Risqué mobile phone photos?

It couldn't have been this, of course, because this happened in the mid-90s. It wasn't in school, either, but during a rehearsal of the 50-strong French choir I used to conduct.

One of the sopranos asked if we would sing at her daughter's wedding. While - like most choirs - we had a wide funeral repertoire, there wasn't much pacy, festive stuff suitable for a wedding. There was general agreement about taking part. Monique, the choir president, suggested a gospel song, O Happy Day.

The title seemed tailor-made for a wedding. Not being all that strong on gospel songs, I didn't realise until we'd started to learn O Happy Day that it's a happy-clappy adult baptismal hymn. No matter. A few of the choir had just enough English to understand the title, but the rest of the words were far, far beyond them, explain them though I might.

To avoid any copyright issues I re-arranged the music, writing the words in English, syllable by syllable, underneath the music in the usual way. They couldn't have had more expert advice on how to pronounce it.

But they hated singing in English, almost as much as singing in German. We can't do other languages, they said, it's not in our blood. (Very occasionally you would overhear them speaking Occitan, sister language to Provençal, and sometimes they'd surprise you with their fluency in Spanish. But English, no.)

Rehearsals went badly, mostly because they found the words so difficult, but suddenly, inexplicably, it all came right. This was during the rehearsal in which there was all that paper-rustling and passing of notes, or whatever it was. Back row complicity. And not just the back row. The whole lot seemed to have some smug secret. When we came to run through O Happy Day, the words were strongly accented, but otherwise seemed reasonably convincing. Did it matter, anyway? Who listens to the music at weddings? All the same, I was relieved.

Monique, a neat and collected lady, wasn't president for nothing. She turned out to be the culprit. No, not for juvenile misbehaviour. She had typed out, to the best of her understanding, a phonetic version of the words for the ease and convenience of the troops. She'd distributed it surreptitiously while they were singing other things. I came across it in a forgotten folder the other day. There it is, up there.

Despite a problem distinguishing between 'watch' and 'wash', Monique clearly deserves a prize for the most outrageously nonsensical representation of an English text ever. The actual words are:

O happy day, when Jesus washed,
O when he washed,
When Jesus washed, he washed my sins away,
O happy day!

He taught me how
To watch, fight and pray,
And live rejoicing every day,
Every day.
O happy day!


Rosie said...

Un petit d'un petit
S'etonne aux Halles
Un petit d'un petit
Ah! degres te fallent
Indolent qui ne sort cesse
Indolent qui ne se mene
Qu'import un petit d'un petit
Tout Gai de Reguennes.

(Mots D'Heures: Gousse, Rames.)

Dave said...

I picked up what it was straight away, but I must admit I thought it was a Dutch version.

Christopher said...

Thanks, Rosie. I love this collection, not least because of its dedication to 'Miss Beauty Love Johnson, laundress'.

My favourite has to be

Pousse y gâte, pousse y gâte
Et Arabe yeux bine?

Bwayne us tar days

Dave: How clever of you. Double Dutch, certainly.

Z said...

Imagining a choir of 50 in our village church, there wouldn't be room for many guests at the wedding.

Tenon_Saw said...

We had it far too regularly at our Prep school last year; it palls after a while.

Rog said...

It looks like it was written by Lady Mondegreen

Christopher said...

Z: This wedding took place in the nearest cathedral, a musty, nasty place in which there still wasn't room for everyone. The event was maybe worthy of Pt 2 of this saga...

TS: Yes indeed. It didn't take long to pall. It went through me like asparagus. I couldn't whistle two notes of it together now.

Rog: 'Laid him on the green' = 'Lady Mondegreen'. Ho ho. I'd never come across this term before. Thanks so much. Endless fun in store!

letouttoplay said...

Sorry, all I can offer in response to this is helpless laughter.