Monday, 30 May 2011

Top lines from Chaucer No. 103



Actually they're edited from The Washington Post's annual round-ups of topical neologisms. But Chaucer would have enjoyed them.

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question in an exam.

12. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

13. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

14. Cashtration, n. The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

15. Reintarnation, n. Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

16. Giraffiti, n. (Ital) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

17. Sarchasm, n. The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

18. Inoculatte, v. (Ital.) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

19. Osteopornosis, n. A degenerate disease

20. Karmageddon, n. It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

21. Decafalon, n. The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

22. Glibido, n. All talk and no action.

23. Dopeler Effect, n. phrase The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

24. Beelzebug, n. Satan in the form of a mosquito which gets into your bedroom at 3am and which cannot be cast out.


13 comments:

Rog said...

These are all brilliant Christopher!!! These are all Ice Lollies = cool jokes

7, 9 and 15 are my personal favourites.

Dave said...

You failed to explain to your readers what a neologism is.

Neologism, an invented word used to dismiss newly coined words.

Christopher said...

Ice Lollies! Good one, Rog.

I left my favourite till last.

Dave: I rubify with autonigration.

Tim said...

This one nicked from 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' - "Wannabe - someone aspiring to be a kangaroo."

moreidlethoughts said...

A lovely reminder of my favourite sort of silliness.(It's amazing how many neologisms one can invent when properly "fuelled.")

And I wondered if Les Jeudistes might like to have a crack at this?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2011/may/30/poem-week-cuckoo-song

Christopher said...

TIM: Thanks. You have to be careful with wannabes, all the same. For instance, there might be awkward ambiguities if Rog were described as 'wannabe pungent'.

MIT: Getting on for midnight here - I'll have a look tomorrow and report back.

Sarah said...

Night

Christopher said...

Morning, Sah.

MIT: Why, it's Sumer is icumen in! Certainly we sing it - in fact I'm inspired to write a post about it. Thanks for the idea!

Tenon_Saw said...

Came here to comment on the 'Sumer is icumen in' post which I can read in Google Reader but doesn't seem to be here (yet).

Christopher said...

It should be now, TS. I had a lot problems uploading. I wish there was a musical equivalent of Photoshop by means of which I could just trim the pitch of the solo sopranos - some are just a little under the note, but enough to jar.

Charlene said...

Fabulous!

7 & 15 are the best, IMHO.

letouttoplay said...

I like the religious ones.
And I notice that 20 is actually an example of 23. (But perhaps only if you've just had another glass of wine)

Christopher said...

I've just had another glass of wine to test your theory. First results are encouraging, but it may require quite prolonged and profound testing...